On July 4th, I disabled my Instagram account, for a few reasons...I often have my emotions, thoughts, & feelings going on all at once and today I coincidentally had a passing thought as I was folding & putting away my laundry (that I have been avoiding for weeks): “What would happen with me if I disabled my account and delete the app from my phone?”. Without much hesitation I then went away with finding how I can disable the account. I was a little surprised that I did afterward; this what I would use to wake me up if I had a hard time waking up in the morning, use as the “magazine” on the toilet, or simply use to relieve temporary boredom at work or in an awkward moment in a new environment. I’ve been having many mixed feelings about social media in both its negative & positive affects/effects, Human kind: its current state, psyche, & future, the dreaded world apocalypse, big brother/sister (coincidently “Every Breath You Take” was playing in the background), and blend that all in with my own shit: coming of older age, single-hood, womanhood, and the pressure from both myself and society while trying to forget a distant ex that I have reoccurring dreams about (mix in reoccurring apocalyptic dreams as well :) All in all to sum up my banter & inner turmoil - I just wanted to get FREE.
While social media is a great (cost-free) marketing tool for anyone & anything, I feel like it was making me sad, numb , & lazy. It was sad to me that people, that I know and myself at times, felt compelled to showcase their lives, successes, and/or thoughts regularly, just to stay relevant or “in the game”. I was becoming numb to the current shocks & blows by this government and its officials because all I did was swipe it away or double tap for a like to “do my part” or show support. I don’t want to post or vainly share my “successes” and fun times because there’s always another side to that and with people increasingly showing off the ideal makes me sad for the emotional & spiritual state and intelligence of human kind. It may be the empath in me that has been feeling a bit of an overload lately (I’m also in contact with many people throughout the day on top of it all lol), but I feel like it’s time for me to cut the chord with Instagram and social media for a while. I actually joined it in 2012 after deleting my Facebook for the same reason, but thought IG was tailored more for my taste in nice pictures. I decided I’d use mine as a scrapbook journal of my life, only using one or 2 pics to capture an honest moment of that time. I even did a pretty good job at not following/viewing or "insta-stalking" exes and their pages (pats back-the willpower to not look can be extremely tough lol)...but I want to be free: free of the pains, joys, heartaches, vanities, ideals, expectations, philosophies, marketing, paid advertisements, likes, stories, followers, & unfollowers of the world and FOCUS, off screen, no lens (except the eyes ; ), no filter on my life & creativity, to make true, active-change in society on behalf of my ancestors and descendants - to enjoy the pains, sorrows, enlightenments, joy, successes, and beauties in my life off camera for a bit.
I invite and/or encourage you to do so, from time to time, also.
On this historic day of (selective) independence, I’m releasing myself from the binds disguised as necessity…you know how to reach me : )